I was flying high and anticipating success for Christmas.
  Perhaps I was cocky but I decided to throw caution to the wind and bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies.

  I’m not sure exactly what I did wrong.

  I bought everything on the ingredient list, checked it twice and followed the very simple instructions on the chocolate chip cookies bag. Somehow the dough succumbed to what must’ve been a higher gravitational force in my oven. Despite baking for the correct temperature and suggested time, the dough spread out in the pan and formed a uni-cookie.

  You know how dog vomit looks wet and chunky and has unidentified particles? Yeah…that’s what my cookie looked like. Yum. My husband took one look and offered to buy the desserts. (Ever since that day, in conversations with friends and family, he refers to the event as the “epic cookie fail”).

  My confidence was gone.

 I did a forensic analysis of the cookie failure. I’m pretty sure it was the flour. The label said ‘Enriched Unbleached Flour’ and under that it said ‘wheat flour’ (which I thought was redundant since flour is made by grinding wheat, right?)

  I tried to break it down.

  Enriched meant the added niacin and riboflavin. Extra vitamins… no harm there.

  Unbleached. I was never sure why flour was bleached in the first place…do we really want all of our food to be white? It sounded a lot healthier to get unbleached. But that might have been a problem. One quote said “many consider bleached flour ideal for cakes and pie crusts…the reality is that the differences how these flours bake are quite subtle.” Hmm, I’m not sure that’s true.

  Maybe it was the Wheat part. Was this flour a whole-wheat flour or not? I don’t know.

  To be honest, I don’t remember having so many types of flour in the past. Cake, pastry, bread, self-rising, whole wheat, gluten free….

  00 flour (which sounds like something a secret agent would know about) is used for pasta and thin crusted pizza. It’s the finest grade of flour, like baby powder in consistency. Fascinating, right?

  There’s more…rye, spelt (which I thought was a fish), buckwheat, barley, oat, Amaranth (which I thought was a city from the Bible). Lastly… plain flour. That’s the one I was supposed to have for my recipe. Which, according to Google, is pretty close to all purpose flour.

  My husband was not exactly supportive when I asked him to go to the store to buy more flour. He shuddered. “You’re not going to make cookies again are you?”

  And then he tried pleading with me, “I told you I would take care of the desserts. You don’t need to do this.” It wasn’t until I told him that the flour was for the Ruby’s ‘Fit for a Queen’ pie that he agreed to buy the stuff.

  The recipe was complicated, I thought it was smart to divide it into two days. On the first day, I made the meat filling. The house smell like curry and success.
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  On the second day, I was careful to follow the instructions for the dough and was ecstatic when I rolled out the bottom section into the required circle. It was as I was admiring the round shape that I remembered to pull out the meat filling I’d stored in the fridge.

  There’s a lot of pressure to be happy around holidays. Expectations of being jolly, content, merry, blissfully happy…

  But it’s not possible for everyone. Not every year.

  If you’re one of those people, I hope that you realize that this is only one episode in your life and trust me…there will be others. Award-winning seasons where your crust is flaky, your frosting is like velvet and your muffins tops puff with pride.

I wish I could give you a hug. I wish I could give you a slice….

Ruby's 'Fit for a Queen' pie!

  Reginald Kenneth Dwight born in Pinner, England on March 25, 1947. Even at an early age, he knew he loved music. After listening to Elvis Presley, he decided he wanted to become a musician too.
  With the help of a scholarship, he entered the Royal Academy of Music at age eleven. Even though his father considered a career in music an outrageous and unacceptable choice- he would not be swayed.
  He worked as a pianist in a pub, formed bands with friends and performed solo at local hotels. By 1962, he signed with Dick James Music, the same publisher utilized by John Lennon and Paul McCartney. In 1970, he released what would become his first top track, “Your Song.”

  On December 6th, 1971 Ryan White was born. He had hemophilia—which means that he’s at risk for life-threatening internal bleeding. His transfusions of factor 8, the treatment for hemophilia, are from pools of donor blood.

  Reginald was clearly talented, but there was a problem of image. He was slightly pudgy and his hair seemed to take on a life of its own. He needed a way to compete with the handsome rock stars of the time.
  So he changed his name…his apparel..and his glasses. On May 7th, 1972 Reginald Kenneth Dwight became Elton Hercules John.
  He’s always been good at the piano but he wants something to make him memorable. Elton dons coats with sequined labels and pearl embellishments, wears shiny track suits and silk kimonos. And he picks out wacky glasses, lots of them. 
  The costumes do the job…he’s remembered.

  By the late 1970’s the HIV epidemic has started. It is believed to have originated in the Democratic Republic of Congo as a virus transmitted from chimpanzees to humans.

  Elton John rises to fame with songs like: Levon, Rocket Man, Tiny Dancer, Crocodile Rock, Daniel, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Bennie and the Jets…really, I could go on for a long time but you get the idea.
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  HIV has spread to 5 continents by 1980 and that includes North America. By 1981, a rare lung infection called Pneumocystis cabrini pneumonia is diagnosed in five gay men in Los Angeles and gay men in New York and California were coming down with an aggressive cancer called Kaposi’s Sarcoma. By the end of 1981, 121 gay men died as a result of their severe immune deficiency.
  By 1982, the CDC uses the term AIDS (Human Immunodeficiency Virus/Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome). Ryan White is diagnosed in 1984. By this point, 3,665 people have already died. ​

  On April 8, 1990, Ryan White dies of AIDS…with Elton John at his side. Shortly after, Elton checked into a rehab center for alcohol, substance abuse and bulimia.

  Elton John established the Elton John AIDS Foundation in 1992. It raises 400 million dollars to prevent future infections and provide treatments for those affected.

  In 2010, Elton John writes a letter to the dead little boy who inspired him to change his life.